he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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