so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
