I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
