you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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