yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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