The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
