Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
