fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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