You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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