Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
