Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
