Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
