Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
