She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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