U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
