We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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