her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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