I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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