Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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