my sisters under your porch take her home
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
