I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
