I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
