I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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