I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
