I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
