My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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