that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
