She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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