I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
