He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
