Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
