I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
