I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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