My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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