his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
should my penis look like a turkey
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
