If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I FOUND THE LEGS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
