Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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