The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
