Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
