i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
