the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
