Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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