I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
