Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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