the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
