so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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