what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
