I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
