dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my poor anus
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
