she looked like the before picture.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
